"You have reached the truck drivers hotline. No one is available to take your call right now. Leave a message and a driver might call you back. If you have a touch-tone phone you may use our automated menu as follows:

"Press 1 for a radio check.

"Press 2 if you just want to whine.

"Press 3 for roadside assistance.

"Press 4 for the results of last week’s NASCAR race.

"Press 5 for the current price of diesel fuel.

"Press 6 if you want to whine about the current price of diesel fuel.

"Press 7 for a shower ticket.

"Press 8 for a "Shut up, Stupid!"

"Press 9 for bondsman information.

"Thank you for calling the truck drivers hotline."