Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of the truck in front of him.

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.

Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The second policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

"I’m sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver asked "For what?"

The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

Billy Bigrigger's Signs You've Been on the Road Too Long

You’ve made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herrs BBQ Potato Chips and Vernor’s Ginger Ale.

You pay more each month to wash your rig than some people pay in rent.

You drive 65 mph through 10 feet of snow in a raging blizzard without flinching.

You see a sign that says "Lane Ends 500 feet" and you manage to drive in that lane another half a mile.

This truck driver was considering buying a used rig. He said to the salesman, "This rig doesn’t look bad. How about the shocks?"

"You get those when you hear the price," replied the salesman.

"I think you turned back the mileage on this rig."

"What makes you say that?"

"It’s in Roman numerals."

"You were speeding," said the cop without pity
"So sorry to do this, Mr. Smitty
"But, there’s a party at the station.
"Here’s your invitation."
That’s how I met my first city kitty.

--Billy Bigrigger

Driving down a city street behind an 18-wheeler, a man noticed that at every stoplight, the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row, the motorist’s curiosity overcame him and he followed the driver until he pulled into a parking lot.

When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don’t mean to be nosey, but why do you keep banging on that door?"

To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can’t talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10-ton limit, so I have to keep half of them flying at all times."

Seems a trucker was pulled over at a dock in the middle of nowhere when it began to rain. It rained and rained and it rained. Finally, the water started rising and it was rising fast.

Several guys from the dock yelled for the trucker to get out and walk while he could. Nope.

A kid came by with an extra skateboard under his arm and offered it to him. Nope.

A hunter roared up on his ATV and offered the trucker a ride. Nope.

A cute young blonde came by in her little sports car, and he turned her down too.

The water kept coming, both down from the sky and up, up past the steps . . . up past the bumper . . . up to the window of the truck. He still wouldn’t leave and go to higher ground.

Finally, he was standing in front of St. Peter, dripping wet. St. Peter was a little irritated. "You dumb trucker! Why didn’t you take one of those offers of help? You had your own two feet, a skateboard, an ATV and even a sports car, but you just sat in your truck and drowned. What was the matter with you?"

"Well," answered the driver with a shrug, "I was waiting for Dispatch to call me back."

After spotting a bear in the air
My better half shouted, "Take care!"
"You’d better not kick it
"Or we’ll be buying tickets
"To the Highway Patrol’s next affair!"

-- Billy Bigrigger

A truck driver won the lottery, and was being interviewed by a TV reporter.

"Sir, you’ve won the biggest lottery prize in history—one hundred million dollars! How do you think this will change your life?"

"Well," the trucker replied. "First thing, I’m going to get a chauffeur to drive my rig."

As one newbie driver remarks, "The thing I hate most about parking is that noisy crash!"

Sam the Hammer, who drove for Corn Flakes,
Was surprised to find he had no brakes.
Then, a shift in the fault
Brought him to a halt.
Said Hammer, "Thank God for earthquakes."

--Billy Bigrigger

A mother walked into her son’s room and said cheerfully, "Time to go to truck driving school."

The son buried his head in the covers and groaned, "I don’t want to go to truck driving school."

"Come on, now, you have to go."

"I don’t want to go."

"You have to."

"I hate it there. It’s like a jungle. One fight after another. The students hate me. They threaten me a hundred times a day!"

"You still have to go."

"Why?"

"Because you’re the trainer."

This trucker was disgusted after spending thousands on dollars on repairs for his rig.

As he pulled up to the tollbooth, the collector said, "Six dollars."

"Sold!" replied the trucker.

This newbie driver was a little heavy on his axle, so the DOT man instructs him to pull around back and adjust his weight, then come back around.

The driver pulls to the back, sits there for a few minutes, and comes back onto the scales.

"Your weight still isn’t right," the DOT man informs him. "Pull around back, adjust your weight, and come back around."

So, the driver pulls to the back again, sits there for a few minutes, and drives back onto the scales.

The DOT man frowns and says, "Driver, I’ve given you two chances to get your weight right. What’s the problem?"

The driver answers, "Well, I’ve been pushing this button that says ‘lighter’ and it’s not working!"

A driver on cross-country trek
Thought he’d blundered into a big wreck.
He heard, "Relax, Breaker,
"You ain’t meetin’ your Maker.
"It’s only a freakin’ brake check."

--Billy Bigrigger

Billy Bigrigger's Guide to Computer Lingo:


Diskette: Female Disco dancer.

Hacker: A trucker after 32 years of smoking.

Hard drive: A long and difficult trip.

I.P. Address: Closest bathroom.

Keyboard: Where you hang the keys to your rig.

When asked, "How do you like being a truck driver?" Billy Bigrigger replied, "It’s not the driving I like, it’s the people I run into."

You know it’s a cheap truck stop when you ask the waitress for a menu and she tells you someone is using it.

Downtown Brown drove a Mack
And, clearly, he had the knack
He could back, brake and turn
Without much concern
All while yelling on the CB, "Comeback!"

--Billy Bigrigger